Navigating Christmas After Separation: A Guide for Co-Parents Christmas is often touted as the “most wonderful time of the year,” but for separating parents, the festive season can become a stressful and contentious time when it comes to arrangements for children. The pressure to ensure that children have a joyful holiday experience can exacerbate tensions, leading to disputes over where the children will spend Christmas, how time should be divided, and how both parents can play an active role in creating holiday memories. Child arrangements and Christmas – What can I do? In order to avoid unnecessary conflict and ensure that children are not caught in the middle of parental disagreements, it is crucial for separating parents to have clear, amicable communication and a well-planned approach. Here are some essential tips, advice, and strategies to help separating parents navigate the Christmas season without straining their relationship or causing distress to their children. 1. Start Early and Plan Ahead Last-minute decisions and unclear expectations can create confusion and trigger conflicts. Begin discussing your Christmas arrangements as early as possible, ideally, before December. This allows both parents ample time to voice their preferences, work out a fair schedule, and avoid feeling rushed or pressured. If you have a parenting plan or a court order in place, review it and check the Christmas arrangements. Avoid leaving things to the last minute, as this can lead to misunderstandings or last-minute changes that frustrate both parents and children. 2. Communicate Openly and Respectfully Clear and respectful communication is key to avoiding disputes. Be honest about your plans and discuss any concerns you have with your ex-partner early on. If there are potential conflicts, address them calmly and with empathy, keeping the children’s needs at the forefront of the conversation. Make sure you are both clear about the agreed-upon schedule, including where the children will be spending time, who will be responsible for picking them up or dropping them off, and any special activities or traditions. If there are any changes or special circumstances that arise, be sure to communicate these as soon as possible. 3. Be Flexible and Open to Compromise Christmas is about fostering a positive experience for your children, and that may mean finding a middle ground on issues like time-sharing or where the children will spend certain days. Flexibility is key, and the ability to compromise is an important part of co-parenting. Be willing to adjust your own expectations and accommodate the other parent’s needs where possible, as long as it serves the best interests of the children. 4. Avoid Overloading Children with Too Much Travel or Change While it’s important to ensure both parents have quality time with the children, frequent transitions or too much back-and-forth can create additional stress for kids. Consider balancing your arrangements so that children are not constantly switching locations. This is especially important if the children are very young or if the distance between homes is significant. Try to build in some downtime for the children to relax, play, and enjoy the holiday season, rather than over-scheduling them with activities and travel. 5. Put the Children First Above all, remember that the primary goal is to ensure that your children have a happy and fulfilling Christmas. Keep in mind that their emotional needs may be different from yours, they will likely be feeling the stress of the holiday season and the changes in their family dynamic. 6. Consider Creating a Christmas Parenting Plan If you and your ex-partner find it difficult to agree on Christmas arrangements year after year, consider creating a written parenting plan. This can be part of your broader co-parenting agreement, or a separate document outlining specific arrangements for major holidays, including Christmas. The holiday plan should be as detailed as possible, covering: Which parent gets Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, or New Year’s Eve / Day Time frames for each parent’s holiday period (e.g., who has the children from the morning until the afternoon and vice versa) Plans for special events like gift-giving, family gatherings, pantomime, or church services A system for how to handle conflicts, emergencies, or unforeseen changes Having a solid plan in place in advance reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings and keeps the focus on the children’s happiness. 7. Don’t Use the Children as Messengers or Pawns As tempting as it may be to use your children to communicate your wishes or frustrations to your ex-partner, it’s critical to avoid putting them in a position where they feel like messengers or are being used to pass on negative information. It’s unfair to burden children with adult issues, and it can lead to confusion, guilt, and emotional stress. Keep your interactions with your ex-partner focused on the logistics of parenting, and avoid any behaviour that could make your children feel uncomfortable, forced to take sides, or caught in the middle of disagreements. 8. Manage Your Expectations The holiday season often brings with it a lot of pressure—both emotionally and logistically. When it comes to co-parenting during Christmas, it’s important to recognise that things may not go perfectly. There may be last-minute changes, unexpected issues, or moments when things don’t go according to plan. Managing your expectations means understanding that both parents are likely doing their best, and things may not always be as ideal as you hope. By keeping a flexible attitude and focusing on what matters—your children’s happiness—you can navigate potential conflicts more effectively. 9. Seek Legal Assistance if Needed In some cases, there may be a need for legal intervention, especially if there are unresolved conflicts or disputes regarding your children’s arrangements. If you and your ex-partner are unable to agree on holiday plans or one parent is refusing to cooperate, it may be wise to consult with a family lawyer or mediator who specialises in child arrangements. Contact our Family Law Department At Browell Smith & Co. we can help you to explore potential solutions and if necessary, assist with obtaining a court order to ensure that holiday arrangements are fair. The festive season is an opportunity to create special memories with your children, and that’s something both parents should be able to share in, regardless of any differences they may have. With early planning, open communication, and a willingness to compromise, separating parents can avoid common pitfalls and ensure that Christmas remains a time of joy and celebration for their children. Remember: the best interests of the children should always come first, and even though co-parenting through the holidays may present challenges, it is possible to work together and create a positive holiday experience for all involved.
Resolution Good Divorce Week 2025 This week is Good Divorce Week – a time to spotlight the need for better support for families going through separation. Right now, our family courts are overwhelmed. Delays are severe, resources are stretched, and families are often left in limbo during one of the most difficult times of their lives. As Resolution members, Our Family Law Team believe it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a ‘better way’ Divorce is never easy. There is a stereotype and stigma attached to it, and unless you’ve been through it yourself, your only experience may be through sensationalist TV dramas or films; or reading about the high-profile, multi-million pound cases in the news. Perhaps understandably, many see divorce as highly acrimonious, riddled with conflict and bitterness, with a devastating impact on children. But for many, the reality is very different. The truth is, court should be a last resort. There are alternative paths that can be less stressful, more affordable, and far less damaging – especially for children. For some couples, litigation may well be the only way for them to resolve their dispute, but far too many families going through separation end up in avoidable and acrimonious court proceedings. It doesn’t have to be like this – there is a ‘better way’. Guided by a Code that puts families first Resolution, an organisation made up of more than 6,500 family justice professionals, has members who are supporting people every day to find a better way. What sets Resolution members apart is our commitment to a Code of Practice, to support clients to resolve matters as constructively – and with as little conflict – as possible, keeping the best interests of children at the heart. Resolution’s Code of Practice sets out the principles of a non-confrontational approach to family matters, supporting our ethos and guiding how we work. Where it’s possible to do so, we seek to resolve problems outside of court, through a range of options, helping couples take more control over the process and enabling them to move on with their lives more quickly than through the courts. The Code isn’t just a set of ideals – it’s a practical, everyday guide for how we work with our peers, colleagues and our clients: We avoid inflammatory language We support and encourage families to put the best interests of children first We act with honesty, integrity and objectivity We help clients consider the long-term emotional and financial impact of their decisions We promote communication and collaboration wherever possible We use experience and knowledge to guide clients through the options available to them Supporting Good Divorce Week Good Divorce Week is about raising awareness of this approach – one that puts children first, reduces conflict, and encourages solutions that work for everyone involved. As Resolution members, we are proud to be part of a community that champions these values and advocates for change in our family justice system. Every family deserves the chance to find a better way through separation – one that’s constructive, compassionate, and fair. If you’re facing a separation or want to learn more about your options, at Browells, we’re here to help you take that first step.
DIY Divorce: The Hidden Risks of Going It Alone Without a Divorce Solicitor With rising legal costs, increasing pressure on the family court system, and the growth of online divorce services, more people are choosing to go through divorce proceedings without a solicitor. While this may seem like a cost-effective route, DIY divorce carries hidden dangers that can affect your finances, family relationships, and future. In this article, we’ll explore why more people are representing themselves in family law cases and highlight the risks of not instructing an experienced divorce solicitor. The Rise of Litigants in Person Several factors have contributed to the increase in the number of divorcing couples choosing to represent themselves in family court proceedings: 1. Legal Aid Cuts One of the key drivers behind the rise in LIPs is the 2013 cuts to legal aid under the Legal Aid, Sentencing and Punishment of Offenders Act (LASPO). Prior to these cuts, many divorcing parties could access legal aid to help cover the costs of legal advice and representation. However, in most family law matters, including divorce and child arrangements, legal aid is now only available in limited circumstances, such as cases involving domestic abuse. With fewer people eligible for legal aid, many individuals find themselves having to pay for legal representation out of their own pocket, which can be prohibitively expensive. As a result, more people are choosing to go it alone. 2. Online Divorce Services The introduction of the online divorce system in England and Wales in 2021 has made it easier for individuals to apply for divorce without seeking professional advice. The online platform allows users to complete forms and submit their divorce applications without the need for a solicitor. While the system is designed to be user-friendly, it still requires a degree of understanding of the legal process and the complexities involved in divorce settlements. For those with basic knowledge of the divorce process, this ease of access can be tempting, leading them to assume they can handle the process themselves. However, without proper legal knowledge, this can be a risky move. It is of course always advisable to obtain legal advice. 3. Financial Pressure and Changing Attitudes With the cost of living continuing to rise, many people simply cannot afford the fees associated with hiring a solicitor. In addition, there is a growing trend towards “self-help” in many areas of life, with people increasingly relying on online resources and guides to solve problems on their own. This DIY culture has spilled over into the legal world, where many individuals now believe they can handle their divorce without professional assistance. The Risks of Representing Yourself in Divorce Proceedings While representing oneself in a divorce may seem like a practical solution, it comes with several risks. Divorce law is complex, and there are many pitfalls that can lead to costly mistakes and long-term consequences. Below are some of the key risks involved in DIY divorces. 1. Lack of Legal Knowledge Can Lead to Mistakes Marital breakdown involves much more than simply filing paperwork. It can involve complex issues such as asset division, child arrangements, and spousal maintenance. Litigants in person often lack the necessary knowledge of legal terminology, court procedures, and the nuances of family law, which can lead to errors in the completion of forms or misunderstandings about their rights and obligations. Only dealing with the Divorce and not resolving the matrimonial finances is a common issue now arising as people deal with the Divorce online in isolation and, in the absence of legal advice. 2. Difficulty in Negotiating Settlements Marital breakdown involves negotiations, especially if there are disputes over finances or children. Without the support of a solicitor, many people find it difficult to negotiate effectively with their spouse or their spouse’s legal representative. Litigants in person may lack the skills and strategies needed to engage in productive negotiations, potentially leading to unfair or imbalanced agreements. For example, one party may feel pressured to settle quickly without fully understanding the financial consequences, which could lead to a settlement that is not ultimately in their best interests. 3. Court Delays and Procedural Mistakes Navigating the court system without legal representation can be time-consuming and frustrating. Litigants in person may miss deadlines, fail to submit required documents, or make mistakes in the paperwork, all of which can lead to delays in the divorce process. Court staff cannot provide legal advice, so individuals may find themselves at a disadvantage when trying to move their case forward. Additionally, without legal experience, those representing themselves may struggle to understand how to present their case to the court. Information available online can be misleading and confusing. Mistakes can result in cost orders being made against you by the Court. 4. Unfair Outcomes Without Legal Guidance Divorce settlements often require balancing complex financial issues and of course, there are emotional considerations. Litigants in person may not be fully aware of their entitlements or the full range of options available to them. For example, they might not understand the importance of a “clean break” financial order, which could affect their long-term financial security. Without legal advice, they might accept a settlement that leaves them financially vulnerable or without a fair share of marital assets. Of course, reaching an agreement that is not approved by the Court and incorporated into a financial order is not in anyone’s interests. In cases involving children, parents may also struggle to establish fair and workable child arrangements without the help of a solicitor or mediator. Making decisions that aren’t in the best interests of the children could have long-term repercussions for a family. Why You Should Instruct a Divorce Solicitor Hiring a specialist divorce solicitor ensures you receive tailored legal advice, especially when dealing with complex matters like: Division of assets and pensions Child arrangements and parental responsibility Spousal maintenance and clean break orders A solicitor can also help you avoid common pitfalls that may delay your case or lead to an unfair outcome. Is DIY Divorce Worth the Risk? While navigating a divorce without legal representation might appear to save money upfront, the long-term emotional, financial, and legal risks can far outweigh the initial cost. For peace of mind and to secure a fair outcome, it is always advisable to consult an experienced family law solicitor before proceeding. At Browell Smith & Co. Solicitors, our Family Law Team is here to guide you through every step of your divorce, from child arrangements to financial settlements. Contact us today for professional, compassionate legal support on 0191 691 3418 or request a callback.